When providing trauma- informed services to survivors of
domestic and sexual violence it important we ensure that we are doing whatever
we can to keep from re-victimizing the survivor or engaging in behaviors that
may be reminiscent of past abuse.
Through actively engaging in a reflective practice on our own and during
supervision we may be able to recognize those conditions within ourselves that
get in the way of being able to provide safe, empathetic, and empowering
assistance.
We often talk about the experiences of survivors in a way
that takes into account the trauma in their lives. We ask “how do the effects of trauma get in
the way or impact the person’s ability to be able to move forward?” This practice of reflecting on the experience
of the survivor can move an advocate from focusing on what is “wrong” with a
person to recognizing the impact of trauma and finding ways to reduce the
impact and/or engaging with the person in a way that empowers them to be able
to move beyond the trauma.
Terri Pease, Ph.D., of the National Center on Domestic
Violence, Trauma and Mental Health talks about reflective practice. She quotes Jeree Pawl, past board president
of Zero to Three, to remind us that “who we are is as important as what we do”
in our relationships with survivors. She
stresses the importance of reflecting on the impact that survivors have on our
lives and the history that we bring into our relationships with them.
I am often called to provide insight into the actions of a
woman in shelter or a woman who is seeking services from a court advocate. The advocate wants me to explain what is
happening with the woman from a trauma-informed standpoint and help her find
something different to do to help.
Another step I like to take, though, is to ask “how is this interaction
affecting you?” In other words, can you
take a moment to reflect on what may be coming up for you as you work with this
survivor? Many times the challenges of
working with survivors can stir up some emotions that we may find difficult to
keep from being reflected in our actions.
If the victim is particularly challenging and expresses
herself with anger, an advocate may find that she resists working with the
victim. The victim may be engaging in
some survival skills that are often labeled as lying, manipulating or attention
seeking. If an advocate can take a few
moments on her own or in supervision to reflect on what this is bringing up for
the advocate, then it may help to improve the relationship with the
survivor. For example, I know that due
to my own past I have difficulty when I am in the presence of extreme anger
that feels like it may be directed toward me.
Over the years I have learned to recognize when my own history is
starting to blur my interactions and I, hopefully, am able to breathe my way
through and not take the survivor’s anger personally. Additionally, many advocates, including myself,
feel helpless when they are unable to meet all the needs of the survivors. This may feel like frustration with the
survivor and it will be reflected in our interactions with her unless we
realize that our helplessness has to do with the greater picture and our own
fear of not being able to do enough.
Advocates, in the face of tapped out services within their
communities, often feel overwhelmed by the needs of the survivors and feel if
they cannot meet them all then they are not good advocates. Yes, it is hard when the needed services are
not available, but we cannot do it all.
We do all that we can and at the end of the day we need to be able to
take care of ourselves so that we don’t burn out and become frustrated with the
women who are reaching out to us. An
awareness of who we are and what we bring to our work is critical to being able
to sustain our relationships with survivors and to being able to be
trauma-responsive.
Painting by Richard Edward Miller
