Trauma and Anticipated Loss – Why do Survivors Sabotage Their Own Efforts for Change?

When I am consulting with advocates about survivors with whom they are working, I often am asked “why does it seem like just when everything is going right for someone, that it all falls apart again? or “why is it so hard for some trauma survivors to plan for the future?”  This post is going to describe two phenomena that occur in the minds of complex trauma survivors and will hopefully explain why.  These phenomena also apply to persons in recovery from long term addictions.  This is not surprising, since most persons with severe and long term addictions are also survivors of trauma.

Anticipated Loss

Trauma survivors are experts at loss.  The first traumatic event was also the first loss.  Losses may include death or absence of a loved one, loss of a sense of safety, loss of important beliefs, loss of a home, or loss of a job.  As these losses pile upon each other, the victim begins to anticipate new losses around the corner.  This leads to attachment issues: either lack of attachment or clinging to relationships or both (the come here/go away relationship).  When loss is seen as a common occurrence, the person begins to anticipate loss even when there is no evidence that loss will occur. 

Anticipated loss can lead to sabotaging one’s own efforts to move forward.  Anticipating future losses can feel like walking on eggshells.  The anxiety and fear is so great that the person will subconsciously take action that will cause the loss to occur sooner.  This often occurs in relationships.  The person may be so sure that the relationship is going to end that he/she will end it or take action that will cause the other person to end it.  Anticipated loss can also keep a person from doing anything to move forward.  They may not look for a job, apartment, or a relationship because of the anticipated loss of the job, home, or relationship. 

Persons addicted to substances and who have had a long history of cycling in and out of recovery, experience the same thing.  The anxiety of possibly relapsing, having life change, and experiencing success and then losing it, can cause some people in recovery to relapse just before the positive change occurs.  This has often been called “giving up before the miracle happens.”  I once counseled a woman who had lost her nursing license due to stealing and using drugs from the hospital where she was employed.  She was working hard to maintain her recovery and working closely with the licensing board to regain her license.  However, just before she was due to regain her license she would relapse and would have to start the process all over again.  This happened twice and we talked about anticipated loss as part of her relapse prevention plan.  Her fear of the unknown and the potential loss, though, won out over her desire to regain her nursing license.

Anticipated loss of a counselor, advocate, case manager or other important person can also lead to subconscious sabotaging of efforts to move forward.  It is very important to ensure the person that support services are still available as a person moves on into their positive future.  The best thing that we can do to help a trauma survivor move forward is to talk about the possible anticipated loss and provide support.  If a person is aware that what they are experiencing is due to the past trauma she may be able to use skills and support to be able to move through the anxiety without taking action that could lead to loss.

Sense of a foreshortened future

The other phenomenon that occurs in many trauma survivors is a sense of a foreshortened future.  In other words, some trauma survivors are very aware of their mortality after having their life threatened on numerous occasions.  When someone subconsciously believes that her life is in danger and that she will die at any time, it is difficult to plan for the future.  This emotional state continues long after the threat of death has passed and can lead to poor follow through when making plans for the future.  A person who has a sense that they are not going to live long will find it difficult to make long range plans.  She is completely focused on her day to day and moment to moment survival. 

When working with someone who is a trauma survivor it is helpful to recognize that anticipated loss and a sense of a foreshortened future can lead to behaviors that may be defined as difficult, manipulative, or non-compliant.  It is more productive to recognize that the person is fearful of the future since her only experience has been negative.  It may even be helpful to discuss what is possibly happening with the person. Give her kudos for being able to survive so far and let her know that support will be available to help ease losses in the future.  We cannot guarantee that losses will not occur.  They are a part of life.  However, we can help the person recognize their own fear of loss and provide a sense of safety and support.