How Children Succeed - Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character by Paul Tough

If you read nothing else but the first chapter of this book, you will have a greater understanding why some kids have such a hard time making it through life.  By discussing childhood trauma through the lens of the ACE Childhood studies and an understanding of how stress impacts learning, Paul Tough makes a strong case for increased focus on building attachment relationships and self-regulation/control in the early years, rather than tests scores.  Learning cannot occur when the child is focused on survival in a world of poverty and violence, but needs to feel safe and believe in a future.
I have to admit that I was not as enamored of the rest of the book as I was that first chapter, but I encourage you to read that first chapter thoroughly and then scan the rest of the book for what may draw your attention.
You can also read more about the book and Paul Tough via this link at NPR or this review at Kirkus.

The Importance of Play in a Child’s Recovery from Trauma

In thinking about the needs of children who have been traumatized, it is important to have a good understanding about how play contributes to healing and resilience.  The following excerpt is from www.lifeisgood.com/playmakers Playmakers, a program in Boston, MA that has worked with Hurricane Katrina survivors by engaging children in transformative, trauma-informed play.

Play is the way in which children form loving, trusting relationships. And the quality of a child’s life (or anyone’s life for that matter) is in direct proportion to the quality of their relationships.

When children are actively engaged, they play with passion and gusto, are curious and inquisitive, move freely and comfortably, and extend this passion and curiosity to many different kinds of activities. Active engagement is the key building block for creativity - when we are actively engaged, our minds are primed and ready for exploration and creation.

INTERNAL CONTROL = Feelings of safety, worth, and competence that support our ability to engage and challenge ourselves.

Using rats as his subjects, Jaak Panskepp found that young rats stop playing the moment a threat is introduced in their environment. Even once the threat is removed, the rats do not return to their pre-threat levels of playfulness. All young mammals, including children, cannot fully engage in play if their basic safety needs are not met. However, once children feel safe, they can develop a sense of freedom and empowerment, enabling them to gain control over their own involvement in an activity and to handle the ups and downs of their emotions. Developing a sense of control, children begin to believe that they can influence their world and meet challenges with success. When children are internally controlled, they have an “I can do it attitude,” they continue trying to meet a challenge even when they feel frustrated, they take initiative when playing with others, and they can switch to different roles comfortably (e.g., from leader to follower). Through feeling safe, competent and empowered, children develop an inner peace that sustains them through life’s challenges.

Play that provides children with opportunities for engagement, empowerment, connection, and joy has the potential to serve as a transformational experience, changing the way a child’s brain, body and spirit develop.

When children are fully and freely engaged in play, they learn new things, develop key social and emotional skills, feel part of a community and take on new challenges. Engaged in transformative play, children build healing relationships with the key people in their lives. This type of play enables children to build resilience in the face of life’s greatest challenges. Denying children access to transformative play experiences does them a great disservice. This is particularly true for children who have been exposed to trauma. Unfortunately, we know that fear destroys playfulness. According to a 1998 study conducted by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, millions of our nation’s children have experienced profound trauma, such as community violence, abuse, neglect, natural disasters, and extreme poverty. Trauma can cripple the development of young children, lead to negative long-term health consequences, and shorten life expectancy. Long-term stress such as community violence, conflict at home, and inadequate resources can undo a child’s sense of safety in the same way that natural disasters (e.g., hurricanes) and manmade disasters (e.g., war) can. And children need to feel safe to play.

Fortunately, children have an incredible ability to bounce back when they receive the support they need from the adults around them.

Empowering, joyful play with sensitive, caring adults can help to restore what trauma violently strips from a child.

If schools, hospitals, and social service agencies put playful engagement on the back burner, children, particularly those suffering from the impact of poverty and trauma, will miss out on essential opportunities to engage in transformative play and build the resilience they need to meet life’s challenges.

In addition to providing opportunities and areas for children to play, it is important for adults to engage with children in meaningful ways to promote competency and resiliency.  The following is from The Urban Child Institute.

·         Respond: Responding to children’s distress and creating an environment of care and support helps children to develop their ability to calm themselves down as they grow older.

·         Create a sense of safety: Children thrive in environments where they know they are safe and supported to explore and learn.

·         Encourage resilience: As much as we would like to protect our children from any hurt they might face, there are benefits to a skinned knee. Learning to overcome mild disappointments and difficulties early in life lays the foundation for being able to overcome greater challenges later. Feeling connected to others, developing self-confidence, experiencing success and helping others overcome challenges are all aspects of resilience.

·         Help others together: Helping others is a good way for children to feel connected to others and builds their self esteem. Helping others as a family is a good way to help children learn and express responsibility and learn that they can make a difference.

·         Grow positive behaviors: Children do better when they have the structure of clear and consistent expectations where they can learn how they are supposed to act. Child behavior experts tell us that positive responses to a behavior from supportive adults will increase the likelihood that the child will repeat that behavior. Catching your child being good by commenting on things they do that you like will help them increase positive behaviors and learn that certain behaviors are valued over others.

·         Help your child find something they do well: It is important for children to know that their actions can lead to good outcomes. Providing them with opportunities to explore different activities. Also providing your children time with other children their age can help them learn that they can make friends and build a support system.

·         Accentuate the positive: Young children tend to personalize the information they get from their caregivers, so it is important to accentuate the positive you see in your child. Every correction or negative comment should be matched throughout the day by five positive comments or encouraging statements.   

Just Some of What I Learned at the Trauma Center Summer Institute

I just got back from the Trauma Center Summer Institute that takes place in Cape Cod every July.  I highly recommend if for anyone who is doing trauma-informed services or treatment.  The faculty from the TraumaCenter at Justice Resource Institute was excellent. 

I will probably incorporate what I learned into some more detailed posts in the future but just wanted to pass on a few snippets of things that I learned or re-learned while there. 

The majority of the impact from childhood trauma is delayed –

When physical or emotional abuse occurs in childhood, the effects of this abuse may take years to show up.  If the abuse occurs during early childhood the effects may not be seen until adolescence.  Trauma that occurs in early childhood and adolescence has a greater impact than if it occurs during the latency period between 6 and 12 years of age.  This is because there is more growth occurring in the brain during these two period of development and therefore the brain is more vulnerable to trauma.

Trauma that occurs during the pre-verbal period of development (ages 0-2) can be recalled and described once language or other means of communication is available – During the week I took part in a sand tray therapy workshop and the facilitator described at least two incidents and showed pictures of the trays in which a 3 or 4 year old was able to recreate a traumatic event in the sand tray that took place when the child was less than one year old.  This does not mean that a sand tray should be used as a way of forcing the child to tell their story.  The story comes out in the natural process of using the sand tray.

Vicarious Trauma is an STD!!!  STD = Sensitivity Transmitted Disease. Basically, if we don’t “care”, we don’t catch it.  However, like a sexually transmitted disease it is:

-      Easy to catch

-      Painful

-      Shameful

-      Hard to get rid of

-      Tends to keep coming back

-      Leads to justified ambivalence about continuing to engage in being sensitive

 How can we be sure to never catch an STD?  Abstinence – live on a mountain top in the Himalayas, quit our jobs, disconnect from the media, minimal contact with the world.  

Traumatic stress is a virus – contagious, can lay dormant, and we can build immunity to it.  It is transmitted physically, through our auditory senses, emotionally and cognitively.  If we don’t build up our immune system through good self care, we can catch vicarious trauma and then spread it to others with whom we are working.  It can become an epidemic and eventually a pandemic – infecting the whole agency.

Polyvagal Theory explains the freeze response. Click here for more information. 

This is just a sample of what I learned!!

Respond to the Emotions Beneath the Behaviors

I recently completed a webinar presented by the Florida Council Against Sexual Violence called  Trauma Informed Care for Foster and Adoptive Parents of Sexually Abused Children. The training was produced by Laurens Kids, Inc. and Florida Council Against Sexual Violence for the State of Florida, Department of Children and Families, Office of Child Welfare.  You can find the 3-hour webinar here .

There were three things that stood out for me in the webinar. 

First of all, it included a 20 minute video by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network called The Promise (of Trauma Informed Care).  This video outlines the three major components of providing trauma informed treatment for children who have been sexually assaulted:  parental involvement, coping skills and the traumatic narrative.  The video made the point that putting a child into counseling alone without the parent(s) being included can make the child feel as if there is something wrong with him/her and that the family somehow blames him.  Coping skills should be taught within the sessions which can then be reinforced and used by the parents at home.  Through the combination of parental support and coping skills, the child will then be able to unravel the traumatic narrative, be able to tell the story of the assault in small stages and receive valuable feedback that the assault was not her fault.

Secondly, I was moved by the focus on teaching the parent rather than changing the child.  When the focus is on teaching the parent to engage with the child in a positive, strength based and supportive approach the relationship between parent and child will eventually change, resulting in changes in the child’s behavior.  Often parents (and some teachers) feel that the focus needs to be on the child’s behavior.  Children cannot regulate their emotions without support and care from the adults in their lives.  I encourage you to check out the Circle of Security program for more information on how focusing on the parents’ responses to the child impacts the parent/child relationship leading to a more emotionally regulated child.

Finally, when I heard this statement I wrote it down and have been thinking about it ever since, “respond to the emotions beneath the behavior.”

The webinar had a panel of foster parents discussing some of the behaviors that were present in the children they were fostering or adopting.  They had been watching a role play of a teenager who had stayed out past curfew and was being confronted by her foster mother.  In the first role play, the mother was angry and the teen became defensive.  In the second role play, the mother focused on the feelings of fear of abandonment the teen was feeling and was able to join with the teen in trying to work through the problems that they were facing together.  The foster parents who viewed the video were struck by how focusing on the teen’s underlying emotions changed the energy of the conversation.

I think that as advocates we can also remember this statement when we are working with adults.  Often we have our own internal responses to the behaviors of people with whom we are working, but when we seek to understand the underlying emotions and take the focus off of the behaviors (which may just be skills they are using to manage their trauma response) we may be able to start a new healthier and more productive relationship.  It takes practice and an ability to be able to calm our own internal responses but it is well worth it in the long run.

How to Tell if a Therapist is Trauma-Informed

The growing knowledge of the effects of trauma on people's lives has increased the need for trauma-informed services.  In addition, a number of treatment models have arisen that address the needs of trauma survivors.  In response to this increased need a number of therapists have started identifying themselves as trauma-informed or providing trauma treatment when they are basing this solely on the fact that they have a number of clients who have identified themselves as trauma survivors.  It is important to be able to sort out which therapist are actually trauma-informed and are knowledgeable in treatment modes that meet the needs of survivors and do not inflict further re-victimization.

The Sidran Institute at http://www.sidran.org/  as excellent information on what to look for in a therapist and the type of questions you should ask a therapist before engaging in therapy.  Clink here to access their web page on What to Look For and How to Choose a Therapist.

The Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape  has an excellent document on locating a trauma therapist.

For a list of current treatment models click here.

Book Review

Parenting from the Inside Out – How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive  by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.

Over the years I have heard many parents say to me “I can only give what I got” as a response to questions about their parenting.  They were stating that the parenting they received as children impacted their parenting as adults and they were not able to do any better as a result.  This is only half true. 

In Dr. Dan Siegel and Mary Hartzell’s book, Parenting from the Inside Out, the reader is given an understanding of how our childhoods impact how we parent and what we can do to change some of those patterns in order to enhance and repair our relationships with our children and increase their resiliency.

The book is laid out in a way that is easily accessible.  There is information on brain science that is presented in terms that are understandable but is also as an addendum to each chapter so that it can be scanned over and reviewed later.  There are also exercises/questions for parents to use to go deeper in examining old patterns and making changes.

Dr. Siegel http://drdansiegel.com/about/biography/ is a clinical psychiatrist at the UCLA School of Medicine and has a done a number of TED talks on neurobiology that are easy to grasp for those of us who are not scientists.  Mary Hartzell is a child development specialist and parent educator http://maryhartzell.com/Welcome.html  Together they bring together an understanding of attachment theory, compassion and mindsight in a way that is non-blaming and empowering for parents who truly want to raise children who thrive.

ACES TOO HIGH

This excellent blog was brought to my attention.  It discusses Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) and how to reduce them.  

ACES TOO HIGH