Reflecting on Who We Are and How It Impacts Survivors

When providing trauma- informed services to survivors of domestic and sexual violence it important we ensure that we are doing whatever we can to keep from re-victimizing the survivor or engaging in behaviors that may be reminiscent of past abuse.  Through actively engaging in a reflective practice on our own and during supervision we may be able to recognize those conditions within ourselves that get in the way of being able to provide safe, empathetic, and empowering assistance.

We often talk about the experiences of survivors in a way that takes into account the trauma in their lives.  We ask “how do the effects of trauma get in the way or impact the person’s ability to be able to move forward?”  This practice of reflecting on the experience of the survivor can move an advocate from focusing on what is “wrong” with a person to recognizing the impact of trauma and finding ways to reduce the impact and/or engaging with the person in a way that empowers them to be able to move beyond the trauma.

Terri Pease, Ph.D., of the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma and Mental Health talks about reflective practice.  She quotes Jeree Pawl, past board president of Zero to Three, to remind us that “who we are is as important as what we do” in our relationships with survivors.  She stresses the importance of reflecting on the impact that survivors have on our lives and the history that we bring into our relationships with them. 

I am often called to provide insight into the actions of a woman in shelter or a woman who is seeking services from a court advocate.  The advocate wants me to explain what is happening with the woman from a trauma-informed standpoint and help her find something different to do to help.  Another step I like to take, though, is to ask “how is this interaction affecting you?”  In other words, can you take a moment to reflect on what may be coming up for you as you work with this survivor?  Many times the challenges of working with survivors can stir up some emotions that we may find difficult to keep from being reflected in our actions.

If the victim is particularly challenging and expresses herself with anger, an advocate may find that she resists working with the victim.  The victim may be engaging in some survival skills that are often labeled as lying, manipulating or attention seeking.  If an advocate can take a few moments on her own or in supervision to reflect on what this is bringing up for the advocate, then it may help to improve the relationship with the survivor.  For example, I know that due to my own past I have difficulty when I am in the presence of extreme anger that feels like it may be directed toward me.  Over the years I have learned to recognize when my own history is starting to blur my interactions and I, hopefully, am able to breathe my way through and not take the survivor’s anger personally.  Additionally, many advocates, including myself, feel helpless when they are unable to meet all the needs of the survivors.  This may feel like frustration with the survivor and it will be reflected in our interactions with her unless we realize that our helplessness has to do with the greater picture and our own fear of not being able to do enough. 

Advocates, in the face of tapped out services within their communities, often feel overwhelmed by the needs of the survivors and feel if they cannot meet them all then they are not good advocates.  Yes, it is hard when the needed services are not available, but we cannot do it all.  We do all that we can and at the end of the day we need to be able to take care of ourselves so that we don’t burn out and become frustrated with the women who are reaching out to us.  An awareness of who we are and what we bring to our work is critical to being able to sustain our relationships with survivors and to being able to be trauma-responsive.    

Painting by Richard Edward Miller

Looking Through the Trauma Lens with Self- Reflection

Understanding trauma and its impact on survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault is not only a theoretical approach but has become an important component of the way we work.  When looking at our work through the trauma lens it is critical that we look both ways.

A lot of work has been done on understanding the impact of trauma on the survivor.  We know that trauma is going to affect her willingness to reach out and engage when trust has been broken on many levels.  We also have become aware of how concentration and focus can be negatively impacted, reducing her ability to make productive decisions and use resources effectively.  Trauma responses may make it difficult for her to follow-through with appointments or she may avoid circumstances that trigger her or make her feel disempowered.  

It is also important to look through the trauma lens at ourselves and understand how trauma impacts the way that we do our work.  If we are unaware of our own responses to trauma, our own personal experiences and our responses to others’ trauma, we may find ourselves being less than who we wish to be in our interactions with survivors.  Being judgmental and critical of the choices of others, distancing ourselves, or trying to fix rather than support may be signs that we are not managing our own feelings that have arisen due to the impact of trauma. 

As advocates, we have to work with staying present and supportive of survivors even when we feel uncomfortable with their way of being in the world.  It may also be necessary to step back at times to self-reflect on what we bring to the relationship.  Even though we are encouraged to maintain boundaries in our work with survivors, we are also developing a relationship with a survivor that can either help or hinder their healing process.  The following questions from Carole Warshaw at the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma and Mental Health can be used in supervision or as a self-tool in order to stretch ourselves and engage more fully in our relationship with the survivor. 

What is particularly challenging for you about this person or interaction? i.e. she never shows up, she is sarcastic, she may be lying to me, I don’t like the way she makes me feel.

What are you aware of feeling?  I get angry, I try to avoid contact with her, I find I want to take her and her child home with me, I feel manipulated, and I am overwhelmed

What are you feeling underneath? i.e. I feel incompetent, I am not a good advocate, I don’t like being angry, I feel special, I feel like I am being set up

What do you think she might be feeling? Is she trying to protect herself? Is she being triggered? Are there feelings coming up in our interactions that she is having trouble tolerating?

What do you find yourself wanting to say?  What is that inner voice saying that you would not want to hear yourself say aloud?

What could you say that might be more helpful?  What would be more a more empathic or empowering, trauma-responsive approach? 

What if this is not signed up for? This may mean that you need more self-care and supervision in order to determine what steps you need to take for yourself.

Taking a look at ourselves through the trauma lens may be difficult at first, but can lead to more meaningful interactions with survivors and others in our lives.  

Combining Feminist Relational Advocacy with Reflective Practice

Summary of the Feminist Relational Advocacy Model by Lisa A. Goodman et.al.


The following is a summary of the paper Feminist Relational Advocacy: Processes and Outcomes from the Perspective of Low-Income Women with Depression by Lisa Goodman, Catherine Glenn and Angela M. Borges of Boston College, Amanda Bohlig of the University of Wisconsin, Madison, and Victory Banyard of the University of New Hampshire. It will be followed by a brief discussion on how this model can be combined with reflective practice (see blog post of March 15, 2010) to increase advocacy effectiveness.

In the article, Goodman et.al., refer to the woman to whom advocacy is provided as the “partner”. This eliminates any perceived power or control in the advocacy relationship.

Principals of Feminist Relational Advocacy –

1. Valuing the woman’s narrative – By developing a relationship through which the advocate can come to understand and respect the woman’s perspective and the reasons underlying her choices an advocate will be able to recognize the partner’s authority to know and name what she needs, and highlight her strength and autonomy without ignoring the multiple factors that limit her range of choices. This may mean a radical approach on the part of the advocate if the woman is in a position of needing non-traditional assistance. As Goodman et. al. state, “if a woman cannot get out from under her ten bags of laundry, then the most valuable thing an advocate may do is help her devise a better system for doing laundry, or even do her laundry with her.”

2. Honoring mutuality and the development of a genuine relationship – Until it is acknowledged that any actions taken by the advocate or the survivor must occur within the context of a trusting and committed relationship many survivors will not share their real needs. Components of a genuine, healing relationship include authenticity, shared power, mutuality, and openness.

3. Emotional and instrumental support are intertwined and inseparable - Just as individuals with greater levels of emotional wellbeing feel more energized to work towards changes in their external conditions, greater access to resources may well increase individuals’ emotional wellbeing.

4. Attention to external forms of oppression as sources of distress – Instead of imposing diagnostic labels on women’s emotional distress, feminist relational advocates, work to understand its roots in social conditions. The model expresses an understanding that poor women’s distress as a reasonable response to unreasonable situations, or even as an expression of resistance to institutional oppression. “Does the woman take the job that will enable her to leave the welfare rolls, but require that her young children be unsupervised? Does she leave the abusive boyfriend and give up the only secure housing situation she has ever known?”

Combining Feminist Relational Advocacy and Reflective Practice to Transform Advocate/Client Relationships

What is reflective practice? - Reflective practice is a way of being that values and enacts ongoing personal awareness of the advocate’s contribution to the tenor and quality of the interpersonal encounter, while also holding in mind the multiple contributions of the other. This includes the ability to use non-judgmental awareness and to reflect on one’s own and other’s mental states, looking inward while looking outward, and is focused on the autonomic and emotional reactions of the self and other. (Michael Morgan PhD)

What do we know about the person with whom we are engaging? This helps to understand their personal narrative and contributes to informed advocacy. The following list factors that influence the advocates relationship and may open doors to understanding responses that the partner may have when responding within the advocate/partner relationship.

Age
Gender
Race
Cultural Background
History
Trauma History
Children? Relationship with?
Living Situation
Supports and Connections/Relationship Patterns
Education
Cognitive issues? (Traumatic brain injury, developmental disabilities or trauma related cognitive isses)
Medical issues?
Coping skills
How does the above influence the person’s ability to cope?
How does what we know influence our perceptions?
What does she say she needs? How does she ask? Does she ask for specific help or does she use other ways to express her needs?
What can the advocate provide for the survivor? How can this be provided?
What can the advocate do to help make changes to the system in order to help the survivor?
How can the advocate maintain safety and respect in the relationship?
How can the advocate care for her/himself in order to be able to maintain safety and respect?

By exploring the answers to these questions and viewing through the Feminist Relational Advocacy Model you can build the advocate/partner relationship, understand the effects of trauma, and be able to address issues that are blocking the process of advocacy and healing within that relationship. 
The above issues are best reflected upon in a group setting with people who may also have contact with the partner. This provides a wider view of the person and what she brings to the advocate/partner relationship.